Lightning Fill In The Blank

May 18, 2019
Originally published on May 18, 2019 12:23 pm
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. The correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score?

BILL KURTIS: Adam leads with four. Helen has three. Roy has one.

SAGAL: OK. Roy, you're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the governor of blank signed the nation's most restrictive abortion ban.

ROY BLOUNT JR: Alabama.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, Attorney General Bill Barr assigned a prosecutor to look into the origins of the blank investigation.

BLOUNT JR: Russia...

SAGAL: Yeah - the Russia investigation. That'll do.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a Reuters poll showed blank had a commanding lead over all other Democratic candidates for president.

BLOUNT JR: Joe Biden.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, the National Labor Relations Board concluded that blank drivers were contractors and not employees.

BLOUNT JR: Uber.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A British woman was diagnosed with a sleep disorder this week after she unknowingly blanked while she was sleeping.

BLOUNT JR: She had called the doctor.

SAGAL: No. She had bought a full-sized basketball court.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Best known for his work in "The Carol Burnett Show," comedian blank passed away at the age of 85.

BLOUNT JR: Tim Conway.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, kids in Ohio were excited to hear they'd be starting...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Their summer vacation early after blank was found inside their school.

BLOUNT JR: Well, something awful - no doubt.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT JR: A dynamite.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Enriched uranium.

(GASPING)

HELEN HONG: What?

SAGAL: Zahn's Corner Middle School, outside of Cleveland, will be closed for at least three months after two different types of nuclear material was found in the basement. Most of the middle school students are excited for the extra time off, except for one kid who's really upset that some snitch ruined his chances of absolutely dominating this year's science fair.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Roy do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He got five right - 10 more points. He has a total of 11 right now. And he is in the lead.

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Helen, you're up next. Fill in the blank - ready? Here we go. On Tuesday, the White House denied a judiciary committee's request for documents related to the blank probe.

HONG: The Mueller probe.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the U.S. pulled all nonessential embassy staff out of Iraq over fears of escalating tensions with blank.

HONG: With Iran.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, San Francisco became the first city to ban blank technology.

HONG: Oh, facial recognition.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, President Trump welcomed the far-right prime minister of blank to the White House.

HONG: Hungary?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Russian bots were accused of rigging the results of blank.

HONG: The election in Florida.

SAGAL: No, a children's singing contest called "The Voice Kids."

HONG: What?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Really - on Monday, actress blank pled guilty to her role in the college bribery scandal.

HONG: I'm blanking on her name. William H. Macy's wife...

SAGAL: Name is...

BLOUNT JR: Mrs. Macy.

SAGAL: No.

HONG: Mrs. Macy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Felicity Huffman.

HONG: Yes.

SAGAL: This week, a couple's proposal went viral...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...After the woman posted a picture of her engagement ring, which was blank.

HONG: Swallowed by a whale?

SAGAL: No. Her engagement ring was made from human hair.

HONG: Ew.

SAGAL: The man presented the inch-wide band of hair to his girlfriend this week presumably because he wanted to excitedly tell his friends, she said no. She said no. Fortunately, the hair was his and not that of his prior victims. And...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...The thrilled woman posted pictures of the ring online. So...

HONG: No.

SAGAL: ...We all know about it. Reaction has been mixed. But on the plus side, she doesn't have to worry about losing her ring in the shower because she can just reach into the drain trap and make a new one.

(GROANING)

ADAM FELBER: No.

HONG: Gross.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Helen do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Pretty good - four right - eight more points - a total of 11, which means she is tied with Roy.

SAGAL: All right. How many then...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: How many then does Adam need to leap ahead of them and win?

KURTIS: A walk in the park, Adam - four to win.

FELBER: Don't jinx me, Bill.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Adam. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, President Trump unveiled a new program proposing a merit-based policy on blank.

FELBER: Immigration.

FELBER: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After being subpoenaed to appear before the Senate Intelligence Committee, blank Jr. agreed to provide limited testimony.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Donald Trump Jr.

SAGAL: This week New York Mayor Blank announced his plans to lose the Democratic nomination to (unintelligible).

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Bill de Blasio.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, the Supreme Court ruled that an antitrust lawsuit against blank could proceed.

FELBER: Apple.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man in Florida arrested for indecent exposure explained to police that he was just blanking.

FELBER: Sunning himself.

SAGAL: No. He was practicing basketball, and being naked, quote, "enhances his skill level."

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Not wrong.

SAGAL: Under a new measure, parents in Washington state can no longer claim a personal exemption to prevent their children from getting the blank vaccine.

FELBER: Measles.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, it was revealed that former President blank was recovering from a broken hip.

FELBER: Jimmy Carter.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A British man who lost his passport two years ago...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Was shocked this week when he received blank.

FELBER: Another passport.

SAGAL: No. He was shocked to receive a thank-you note from the kid who has been using it as a fake ID all this time.

(APPLAUSE)

HONG: What? That's so sweet.

FELBER: I bet the kid turned 21 or something...

HONG: Exactly right.

FELBER: ...And sent it right back to him. That's fantastic.

SAGAL: Exactly right. A man named Joe Hunter lost his passport right before a big trip. And though he got an emergency replacement, he never knew what happened to his original until this week when he got a note from a guy saying, hey. I just turned legal. So I don't need your passport anymore. Would you like it back?

HONG: What?

SAGAL: It's safe to say this is the best possible version of the, hey, I've been using your property to commit crime story - definitely better than, hey, I'm all done serial killing. Do you need your hedge clippers back?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Adam do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Yes. Of course, he did.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: He got six right - total of 16 points for the win.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

HONG: Wow.

SAGAL: In just...

FELBER: Thank you for that smattering.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

FELBER: Too late - it's too late. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.